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CHURCH ETIQUETTE

In the Orthodox Church, there are many customs and traditions that shape the rhythm of worship and community life. Some of these practices are shared universally across the Church, while others may reflect the unique character of a local parish or cultural heritage. At St. Jacob Orthodox Church in Bend, these traditions are lived out in a way that is both faithful to the ancient Church and attentive to the local community.

The following guide, inspired by pastoral teaching within the Orthodox tradition, addresses common questions often asked by those who are new to the faith—as well as those continuing to deepen their understanding.

Standing vs. Sitting

The traditional posture for prayer and worship in the Orthodox Church is to stand. In “Orthodox countries” there are usually no pews in the churches. Chairs or benches on the side walls are reserved for those who need them, i.e. the elderly, infirm and pregnant. In North America, some Orthodox faithful have introduced pews into their churches thus creating the artificial “need” to figure out when to sit and when to stand. Whether a church has few chairs or many, there are times when one should definitely stand:

  • The beginning of the service: “Blessed is the Kingdom…”
  • All Litanies—The Entrances: with the Gospel and later, the Chalice
  • Gospel Reading
  • The Creed, the Lord’s Prayer
  • The Anaphora beginning with “Let us stand aright” through the Hymn to the Theotokos
  • The distribution of Holy Communion, i.e. the Body and Blood of Christ in our midst, through the end of the dismissal
 

As you can see, this leaves little time for sitting. Whatever parish you are in, when in doubt, stand in prayer—yet remaining sensitive to not drawing attention to oneself, or blocking other’s participation in the service.

Lighting candles is an important part of Orthodox worship. We light them as we pray, making an offering to accompany our prayers. Orthodox typically light candles upon entering the church, placing them in the candle stands when venerating the icons. If a service is already in progress, it is ok to light candles up to the reading of scripture. Once the Reader comes out carrying the Apostol (for reading the Epistle), it is a good idea to wait until after the service to light candles so and not distract others from prayer, nor draw undue attention to oneself.

This same approach is best when one arrives late to a service (which, by the way, is entirely inappropriate, without due cause, for a Christian who has come to worship God; the same goes for leaving services early).  (Read more about this below)

At St. Jacob Orthodox Church, the Lord’s Day worship begins on Saturday evening with Great Vespers and continues on Sunday morning with the Divine Liturgy.

For all services, it is best to arrive well before the scheduled start time. This allows you to enter into prayer, prepare your heart, and participate fully without distraction. As is our custom, we enter the church prayerfully—crossing ourselves, offering a bow, lighting candles when appropriate, and venerating the holy icons.

We come to the Church as to a Great Banquet, with reverence and attention, because we are preparing to receive the very Body and Blood of Christ. Arriving early also allows you to pray the Hours before the Divine Liturgy, helping you become settled and attentive for worship.

If You Arrive Late

Experience shows that arriving late is often more a matter of habit than circumstance. Still, if you do arrive late, enter quietly and with awareness of what is taking place.

If the Epistle or Gospel is being read, or if a liturgical procession or prayer is underway, it is best to wait in the narthex before entering the nave. During moments such as the readings, the homily, the Little and Great Entrances, and especially the Anaphora (the prayers of consecration), movement in and out of the church should be avoided unless absolutely necessary.

When entering late, refrain from coming forward to venerate icons at inappropriate moments in the service. Instead, wait until a more suitable time, or simply enter prayerfully and take your place quietly.

As a general rule of thumb, those who arrive after the Epistle and Gospel readings should refrain from approaching Holy Communion that day. However, what is far more serious than coming late is not coming at all. If you have unusual circumstances, you are always encouraged to speak with the priest for guidance.

Entering the Church Properly

Whenever you arrive—whether early, on time, or late—enter with intention and reverence. Avoid simply stepping into a seat without first acknowledging that you are entering the presence of God.

A proper entry includes:

  • Crossing yourself
  • Offering a bow toward the altar
  • Lighting a candle (if appropriate)
  • Venerating the holy icons when the timing allows

Let your focus be on showing love and respect to our Lord through a prayerful entrance into the Temple. If you are ever unsure what to do, do not hesitate to ask—everyone in the parish has learned these practices over time.

A Final Word

If arriving late is unavoidable, simply enter quietly and participate as you are able from that point forward. Remain attentive, follow the flow of the service, and avoid drawing attention to yourself.

Above all, remember: being present in the Divine Services—even imperfectly—is a blessing. The rhythm of the Church is something we grow into over time, together.

In many cultures throughout the world, crossing one’s legs is taboo and considered very disrespectful. In North America there are no real taboos against such action, rather, we tend to cross our legs to get comfortable. Should we do so in church? 

No. Not because it is “wrong” for us ever to cross our legs, but because it is too casual—and too relaxed—for being in the presence of God. When we get settled in our favorite chair at home, we lean back, kick up our legs, and allow our minds to wander.

 Remember, sitting in church is a concession, not the norm of prayer. We should remain attentive (i.e.: “Let us attend”) at all times as a soldier prepared for (spiritual) battle before his Commander. Should we sit, we must do so attentively and not too comfortably that our minds not wander off the “one thing necessary.”

Parents should always have ready access to the doors in order to step out with small children if needed — whether they are becoming distracted or simply need a short break. For this reason, the exit doors should remain accessible. Let us avoid congregating near the back of the church and instead make an effort to move forward into the nave.

At the same time, adults and teens should be attentive enough to remain in place for the duration of the service, avoiding unnecessary movement or coming in and out of the nave.

The sermon or homily is not an intermission. It is part of the worship and should be treated with the same attention and reverence as the rest of the service. It is not appropriate to enter or leave during this time, nor to slip out just before it begins or immediately after it concludes.

The services are not over until the dismissal is proclaimed. The protocol is to leave the church only after the final blessing, and after venerating the cross held by the priest at the end of the Divine Liturgy or other service. As one leaves the Temple it is proper to turn, face the iconostas and bless yourself. After exiting the church building, it is customary to face the doors of the church, bow, and bless yourself before walking away.

If you need to leave early, please exit the church quietly and refrain from conversing until after you have exited so as not to disrupt others. It is not acceptable to be in the kitchen, or social hall at any time during Liturgy (For those providing hospitality, or other services in support of our worship, be present in the Nave for the scripture readings and homily, following the protocol for coming and going above.)

At St. Jacob Orthodox Church, we approach worship with reverence in both heart and outward expression. There was a time when people spoke of their “Sunday best,” and while cultural expectations have shifted, the underlying principle remains.

God is not impressed by outward appearances — yet as followers of Christ, we are called to offer Him our best, not our leftovers (cf. Cain and Abel). The way we dress for church should reflect humility, modesty, and a desire not to draw attention to ourselves, but to God.

This is not about formality for its own sake. It is about cultivating a posture — both inward and outward — that supports prayer.

General Principles

When preparing to attend services, keep these simple principles in mind:

  • Dress modestly and respectfully
  • Avoid clothing that draws attention to yourself
  • Choose attire that supports attentiveness in prayer
  • Aim for neatness, cleanliness, and simplicity

These principles apply to everyone, regardless of age.

Children

Children are learning how to participate in the life of the Church, and their clothing should help guide that formation.

  • Only young children should wear shorts — athletic shorts, cut-offs, and spandex are not appropriate
  • Light-up shoes should be avoided, especially for altar servers, as they distract from prayer
  • Clothing with bold slogans, logos, or messaging should not be worn
  • Toys, coloring materials, or other distracting items should not be brought into the nave

Children, like adults, are gradually learning what it means to stand before God in prayer.

Women

Women are encouraged to dress in a way that reflects modesty and reverence.

  • Dresses are most traditional and appropriate, especially when modest in length and fit
  • Tank tops, short skirts, and tight or form-fitting clothing should be avoided
  • Slacks and pant-suits are acceptable, but tight jeans, yoga pants, and similar attire are not appropriate
  • Head coverings are a longstanding Orthodox tradition and are encouraged, though not required

The goal is not restriction, but a quiet dignity that supports prayer.

Men

Men are likewise called to dress with modesty and respect.

  • Collared shirts and clean pants or slacks are appropriate and encouraged
  • While coats and ties are not required, effort in presentation matters
  • Shorts, sleeveless shirts, tight clothing, or clothing with bold graphics or messaging should be avoided, especially on Sundays
  • Jeans and athletic shoes should generally be avoided when possible
  • Those serving as greeters, on the cleros, or in the altar are expected to wear long sleeves and dress shoes
  • Men do not wear hats or head coverings in the church (except for clergy in liturgical roles)

A Pastoral Note

These guidelines may be relaxed slightly for services outside of Divine Liturgy, such as Vespers — especially when coming directly from work or other obligations.

At the same time, it is always better to come to church than to stay away over concerns about clothing. If you are unsure, come as you are and continue to grow in understanding over time.

This is not a call to purchase a new wardrobe. Rather, it is an invitation to use good judgment, modesty, and care in how we present ourselves before God.

We do not come to church to be seen by others — we come to stand before the Lord and to worship Him.

Lipstick looks terrible smeared on icons, crosses, the communion spoon, and the priest’s or bishop’s hand. Hand-written icons have been ruined by lipstick; and even though the cross or spoon can usually be cleaned after everyone venerates, it’s not very considerate to those who follow. What is the answer? If one insists on wearing lipstick to church, blot your lips well before venerating…. Point of consideration: God, Whom we alone come before in Liturgy, is not impressed with our external attractiveness, but with the adorning of our souls in humility, good works, and piety.

Besides being disrespectful toward God, Who is present, it is distracting for others who are striving to pray. This rule includes all services of the Church, whether it be the Hours read prior to Divine Liturgy, the Prayers being read while we come forward to venerate the cross after the Dismissal, or the priest hearing Confessions after Vespers. If you must speak to someone, at least move to the Narthex, but keep it to a minimum. It is best to save conversation for the fellowship hall, inviting guests downstairs for a visit.

The proper way to greet a bishop or priest is to ask his blessing and kiss his right hand. How do you do this? Approach the bishop or priest with your right hand over your left (palms up) and say “Father (“Master,” in the case of a bishop), bless.” This is appropriate and traditional, rather than shaking their hands.

When?  At those same times you would generally greet with a “Hello, good to see you…” upon arrival, and a “Goodbye, see you soon…”, when you leave wishing God’s peace .  It is never required, but is always welcome in the bonds of love within the Church.  When you receive such a blessing it is Christ Himself who offers the blessing through the hand of the priest or bishop. Who of us would not want all of Christ’s blessings we can get?

At St. Jacob Orthodox Church, you may notice that people cross themselves at slightly different times during the Divine Services. To some extent, this reflects personal piety rather than strict dogma. Even so, there are common moments in the service when making the sign of the Cross is customary.

The sign of the Cross is made with the thumb and first two fingers together, the remaining two fingers folded into the palm. One touches the forehead, then the stomach, followed by the right shoulder and then the left.

When to Cross Yourself

It is customary to make the sign of the Cross in the following moments:

  • When you hear “Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,” or similar doxologies
  • Before venerating an icon, the Gospel, or the Cross
  • When being blessed with an icon, Cross, Gospel, or the Chalice
  • When entering or exiting the temple
  • When passing before the altar

These actions express reverence toward God and the holy things of the Church.

When Not to Cross Yourself

There are also moments when crossing oneself is not customary, and a simple bow of the head is more appropriate:

  • When receiving a blessing by hand (such as “Peace be unto all”)
  • When being censed
  • When approaching a bishop or priest for a blessing (one does not cross beforehand)

Parents often bring little snacks for young children to keep them occupied and quiet in church. This is fine as long as it is discreet and quiet and the parent sees to cleaning up any leftovers. By the time a child is 3-4 years old this will most likely be unnecessary. And by the time a child reaches age 7 they are mostly capable of fasting the entire morning of Holy Communion (or at least cutting back on breakfast). For those children who do require snacks during service, please refrain from feeding them, even a bottle, while in line for Communion, as they ought to come to the Holy Mysteries without food already in their mouths. Chewing gum is never appropriate in church.

After taking Communion, at the end of the Divine Liturgy, and at Vespers/Vigil with a “Litya” or “Blessing of Bread”, it is traditional to eat a piece of holy bread or antidoron—the left-over bread from which Holy Communion was prepared and various commemorations made. While antidoron is not the Body and Blood of Christ, it is still blessed bread, and as such, we should take precaution to eat it carefully so that crumbs don’t fall to be trampled underfoot. Monitor the children as they take the antidoron, teaching them to eat respectfully.

A Final Thought

In our modern American culture, life often leans toward the casual — in how we dress, speak, and carry ourselves. While not everything about this is negative, it can sometimes shape a mindset that lacks attentiveness, reverence, or intention.

At St. Jacob Orthodox Church, we are gently called to something different. Our life in Christ invites us to approach both worship and daily living with greater awareness — not as a rejection of the world, but as a reorientation toward what is holy.

Most of what we call “church etiquette” is simply an expression of this awareness. It flows from common sense, from love for others, and from a desire to honor God.

We come to church to worship the Holy Trinity. As we hear in the Divine Liturgy: “In the fear of God, with faith and love, draw near.” If we keep this in mind — in how we enter, how we stand, how we speak, and how we pray — then we will naturally grow into a life shaped by reverence, humility, and attentiveness.